God wants me to learn how to trust in Him at all times. Including this time where I have not the slightest clue where my life is headed. I have zero insight into my future and have received no calculations regarding the life ahead of me. Some people get excited at a future entirely unwritten or shielded from their eyesight, but such uncertainty spikes my anxiety, creating unhealthy, ruinous thoughts about myself and others in my mind, stirring negative emotions of frustration, bitterness in me, and exacerbating fears and feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and being misunderstood within me.
Sometimes, you wonder what is the point in hoping for change if life always knocks you down. Every time you put your best foot forward, you face unexpected unemployment, a flat tire, a failing relationship, the death of a friend or pet. It seems like life can never give us a break, and God is nowhere to be found. I know exactly what that feels like. In this blog post, I investigate the apprehension to hope in fear of opening myself up to more pain and unmet expectations. I question do I dare to hope as I confront the realities of my situation.