God wants me to learn how to trust in Him at all times. Including this time where I have not the slightest clue where my life is headed. I have zero insight into my future and have received no calculations regarding the life ahead of me. Some people get excited at a future entirely unwritten or shielded from their eyesight, but such uncertainty spikes my anxiety, creating unhealthy, ruinous thoughts about myself and others in my mind, stirring negative emotions of frustration, bitterness in me, and exacerbating fears and feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and being misunderstood within me.
I need to know what is going to happen. I need to know because I need to know how to prepare myself and equip myself against people who attack me personally if a particular service project does not go well or if I lose my job. I need to know how to defend myself against unlawful and egregious claims in case anyone seeks to use these service opportunities as a way to start drama.
I need to know, so I can ready my heart for the severe wave of abandonment and loneliness I will feel when I stand up for Christ and His Word in the middle of an amoral society, seeking to get rid of God.
Yet God is making it clear that the only thing I need to know is that He “is my refuge.” My obsession to know is not a need but a desire to know more than what is allotted to me per my heavenly portion. My obsession to know I mask in the delusion or lie that it is a need, but truthfully, my need to know my future and how everything is going to work out is not a need but an overwhelming fear of feeling lost, powerless, and helpless. I’ve always hated those words. A volcanic rage threatens to erupt throughout my spirit when I place my name next to those words. Because they remind me how I am not in control, how I have no power to change the circumstances displeasing me, and how my future and the approaching events I cannot escape.
But God wants me to learn how not knowing is not the end of my story. It is not the death of any joy, hope, or future. To not know is a wonderful opportunity to know God, the Sovereign Lord and Ruler of all things. It is a chance to be at rest because although I am not in control of my life and will never be, I have a relationship with God, a connection to the One who is in control and makes all things happen.
The unknown is an opportunity for me to finally be still, stop striving and fighting, put on my best performance for people, and know that He is God. God is our refuge. He is our shelter and protection from distress and calamity. When people hurt me, friends misunderstand, and my family moves away from me, the Lord God is my one constant, a heartbeat that will never stop beating.
The Lord God is my Rock on whom I stand and cannot be moved. While the future is as shifty and inconsistent as grains of sand, God is a fixed point completely immovable and utterly forceful. God wants me to learn and understand that the key to a secure future is not knowing what to expect but getting connected and growing closer to the Person in control.
To know that the Lord “I AM God” means understanding who God is and how my relationship with Him gives me the security and safety I need and crave. Knowing that God is the Alpha and the Omega, the Great I Am, the Most High, the Lord of lords, and these truths about Him strengthens my faith and affirms the truth that faith in God is the only preparation needed for my future.
The Lord God has plans for my future, and His will encompasses plans for how He will be “exalted among the nations and in the earth.” This glorification begins with me laying down my life in trust and submission. When I choose to be still and stop trying to figure out who I will marry or how to acquire more cash, my act of stillness to God is an act of trust and humility. When God sees me act in faith, He is compelled to move on my behalf as I wait for His greenlight. Because my Being Still means I have more faith, more trust in God’s knowledge, capabilities, and His everlasting love for me than in myself and others.
Because all I need to know is God.